Pancake and Prosecco-filled prescriptions are dished out as matter of course by Dr Kluger.
The mysterious man at the helm of The Breakfast Club’s speakeasy bar is a bit like the Wizard of Oz.
He’s never seen, his name’s whispered in hushed tones and there’s a secret entrance to his Olde Towne Tavern alcohol-filled clinic in the Crossrail Place eatery.
And Dr Kluger’s Bottomless Consultation - a superb bubbly brunch dished out every weekend - can be found not at the end of a yellow brick road, but waiting underneath a pair of huge sparkling glitterballs.
For £39 each you’ll be treated to a menu item, unlimited Prosecco, beer or Bucks Fizz, a Breakfast Club cocktail and a brew.
Clear your diary - this is a doctor’s appointment you need to make time for.
Here’s our lowdown.
Hold on - this is no ordinary outpatients room. There are glitter balls, velvet chesterfields and a fully-stocked bar ...
Exactly - silver sparkles and sofas you sink into are just what the doctor ordered for some pre-consultation relaxation.
Soothe away the stresses as you gossip with fellow patients about what lies ahead, glass in hand, filled to the brim with alcoholic medication prescribed directly by the doctor.
Head upstairs for a chairs and table-filled waiting room where comfy vintage seating is perfect for those tucking into the prescribed brunch.
Because whether you’re wearing hospital scrubs or a brand new dress, spilling a plateful of pancakes down your front is never a good look.
First up, I’ve been prescribed a large dose of liquids.
This is an essential, no questions asked priority of Dr Kluger’s prescription.
And the best thing? You have a choice of perfect poison.
We went for a crisp, bubbly, dry Prosecco ideal to toast for our girly treatment trip, but there is beer and Buck’s Fizz on offer.
I’m not the best at measuring out my Prosecco prescription...
You’re one lucky patient - this consultation means a continual supply of fluids.
So there’s none of the pesky “do not exceed twice a day” quotas for you.
If for some reason you forget to top up your supply, no fear.
Dr Kluger’s army of denim and Converse clad staff will do the rounds and drum up the dose regularly, avoiding any awkwardness.
To build your strength up for surgery, you’ll need some grub.
And boy this is stunning. No hospital-style food connotations here.
I plumped for two oozing poached eggs, huge juicy mushrooms and spinach heaped onto Rye toast but if you fancy pure food envy, opt for the Huevos Rancheros with zingy chorizo and a kick of salsa.
And a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down?
Whether you opt for a gin and marmalade or campari and orange cocktail, these will do the trick.
If you order the latter, it’s served up with a huge wedge of grapefruit, so you’re getting part of your five-a-day too.
Extra brownie points on your medical report.
It’s all been amazing. But I need some home comforts, please.
A steaming mug of tea or coffee will be despatched straight to your table.
Because there’s nothing better than a builders brew to recover from a medically induced hangover, eh?
Any side effects?
You’ll feel utterly relaxed, de-stressed and well fed.
And maybe a little tipsy, too, after spending a few hours toasting tipples with friends, catching up with gossip and tucking into some of the Breakfast Club’s iconic and delicious dishes.
This kind of healthcare doesn’t come free, but it’s a price definitely worth paying.