Ever wondered how your food came to be, well, food? Who worked out that steaming a globe artichoke and scraping the white fleshy bit from the leaves with your teeth tastes good?
Some Nigella cave-chef, must have been licking everything that came out the ground to crack that. Someone watched an oval pop out of a chicken’s bum and thought: "breakfast".
Gordon cave-chefs chewed on stinging nettles and swore before they realised they could stew them. Think of all the poor Delia cave-chefs who must have lost their lives eating dodgy mushrooms.
How could you forage without the internet, a guidebook, or pointing at edible things from someone who’d been there, eaten it, and lived?
Forget all this Paleo nonsense, the true caveman diet involved dicing with death (and carrots).
We’ve taken what nature gave us and pimped it to achieve some true culinary masterpieces. Grilled cheese sandwich? Spaghetti and meatballs? Fish and chips? Come to mama.
But we’ve grown bored of the classic combinations, and have got Willy Wonka on our food prep. New York baker Dominique Ansel’s Franken-pastry the cronut launched the trend in 2013. The croissant and doughnut hybrid took our taste buds by storm. Now the internet is full of recipes for Kit Kat sandwiches and bacon wrapped fried Oreos.
The new rules for food are: more, more, and more is best. And here we are. Cadburys have launched a Spectacular 7 chocolate bar which contains caramel, fruit & nut, whole nuts, Turkish delight, Oreo, Daim, and the original dairy milk flavour.
Perfect for indecisive drunks who can’t taste what goes in their mouth. I’ll stick to licking tomatoes.
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