Results tagged “Dan-Bourke”

The returning Dan Bourke resents the accusation that his muse has been run down by a speeding pram

There is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hallway - although the allegiances of the Bugaboo Bee in the kitchen seem yet to be chosen.

That first bit is a quote from Cyril Connolly, a critic and writer who also said: "No city should be so large that a man cannot walk out of it in a morning," which is very hard to disagree with.

John Hill regrets not taking the time to become a bi-lingual swashbuckling astronaut before it was too late. Dan Bourke is away.

If you are old enough to read this, your life is already over.

As we speak, a child many years younger than you is learning languages you've never heard, or running 100 metres in the time it takes you to get out of a chair.

Dan Bourke is preparing for life as a father by wandering around and looking confused

I am writing this on the day my wife is due to give birth, so at best I've got two weeks to read the rest of Ulysses, get a full motorbike licence and learn how to play the harmonica.

You'll have to forgive me if you read a sentence that doesn't finish - either I've been called away on urgent business or else I've just got...

Do you hear that tinny buzzing noise? That's you bleating in Dan Bourke's ear about kids with loud iPods

There are seven and a half million people in this city, so if the worst it serves up is some tinny tunes from a yoof's mobile on the bus, we should probably be grateful.

I have a problem with that music, of course, like most people do.

Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them. Dan Bourke thinks about greatness, and then wanders off for a sandwich

I was once going to get myself into a building site on West India Quay to catch on camera freestyle parachutists flinging themselves from the top floor at night.

I was once going to try to get Andy McNabb to break into One Canada Square and expose its security flaws.

Dan Bourke clings to annual events in a roaring tide of "stuff"

It's a barbecue-scented, plan-hatching morning in May, which means I must be about due a column sneering at the Motor Show enthusiasts.

I've had my first outdoor swim, my first wedding and my first Pimms of the season.

Childbirth is a life-altering event, and a good excuse to bother Dan Bourke with unhelpful advice

I'm making the most of now, because all this is about to change.

My wife is quite pregnant, and people keep telling me to make the most of now, because all this is about to change.

Dan Bourke is covered in mud and dancing, and it's not because he's been drinking

Maybe it's all the expectant talk about green shoots of recovery, but I appear to have grown an interest in, of all things, gardening.

What is this strange feeling?

When the urban apocalypse strikes, Dan Bourke will be foraging for pyjama bottoms in John Lewis

You need two kinds of knife when you're camping in Canary Wharf - a tough one for carving and splitting wood and a sharp one for splitting sausages and opening packaging.

An axe would be handy too.

Dan Bourke hails the foresight of the late JG Ballard, who passed away on Sunday

JG Ballard is very good to read if you have to go to Ikea.

He normalised those feelings you get when you want to throttle a lampshade or pull a bean bag limb from limb or stab up a chest of drawers.

Dan Bourke finds it's hard to deliver the killer blow to The Fascists with a t-shirt

I think we can all agree that we are for sticking it to The Man, and against being told by The Fascists what to wear at work.

So you'd think that it would certainly be righteous and pleasing to take any opportunity to dress in your own sartorial style in the office - when you have to work a bank holiday weekend, for instance.

Dan Bourke spends most of his time wedged up against Londoners on the tube, and he doesn't want to deal with their lips flapping as well

Are you one of those people who wishes other people were more friendly on trains?

Do you find yourself wondering why city dwellers are so, like, wrapped up in themselves and uptight and repressed, and why can't people just smile at each other and be nice when they're together in a carriage?

This week, Dan Bourke is invincible, even if the transport system isn't

The DLR did its best to ruin my day the other day, but I didn't let it.

I shouldn't have even been there. Long ago I learned the truth of the Zero-Sum Theory of Commuter Travel, namely that the earlier you try to get into work, the longer it will take you to get there.

Dan Bourke missed you while you were on holiday - as long as you've brought back chocolates.

When you go away from work for a week or so, several things are bound by the natural law of the office to happen.

Firstly, you will say "it's great to be back, obviously," with obvious sarcasm. You may meet facilitators in this, who will say: "Obviously, it's great to be back" and you can say: "Yes... obviously!"

Dan Bourke learns that nothing is real, except maybe New Tricks

The self is an illusion.

That is, the "I" that you and me talk about in our heads is a piece of make-believe that was an accidental by-product of our capability to form words.

Dan Bourke is overcome by the red mist on the tube - or at least he thinks it's red mist

I like to think of myself as a reasonably low-temperature kind of a cat.

If there is a way out of things that will value reason and logic over hot passions, I like to think I take them every time.

Dan Bourke mulls over the best reaction to "passenger action"

A witty intro here would probably be a tad insensitive, so I’ll just put it like this: on my way to work on Sunday my Tube train hit someone.

Observing the reaction of Tube staff and the general feeling around London Bridge station after it happened, I assume two things although I can’t say precisely why: that the person is dead and that they did it on purpose.

Dan Bourke is forced to defend his honour in a communal changing room

I was swimming lengths, on a well-deserved weekday away from the Wharf.

I wasn’t thinking about emails I hadn’t answered, or projects I hadn’t started, or things on which I was terribly behind – so behind in fact that I couldn’t really afford a weekday off.

Dan Bourke "revives his love of life" in the back of a dark vehicle

There’s nothing quite so surprising and quite so rewarding as a good taxi driver.

It can really crown an evening, or make an afternoon of work seem an entertaining, unexpected pleasure.

Bad taxi drivers, of course, are sadly commonplace.

Dan Bourke hails the "heroic" few who won the Battle of the Snow

Is it too early to feel nostalgic for Monday? Because I do.

I miss the camaraderie of we brave hero few who made it to the office. And the sense of common cause in the face of chaos. And the slightly mufti clothes.