My work nemesis got married at the weekend. I’m relieved because since she got engaged at the end of last year, she’s been more annoying than usual.
I thought once her long-suffering boyfriend had capitulated and asked her to marry him, she’d be a nicer person to have around in the office.
The stress and strain of having to wait eight years for him to commit allowing her to be more grounded, comfortable in her skin. Instead she’s been an absolute horror.
The team has lived every single drama connected with preparations for the wedding.
There was the venue. “We have soooo many friends, we can’t find a country estate big enough to host them all.”
Yes, she’s that kind of a person.
There was the dress. “It’s soooo difficult I need a design that will accentuate my waspish waist while showcasing my sculpted arms, not to mention my beautiful shoulders.”
Then it was the ring. “It’s been terribly difficult finding a band that will not be overshadowed by my three carat diamond Harry Winston engagement ring that’s why we plumped for a diamond-encrusted Cartier.”
So, I may just be a teensy-weensy bit jealous.
No-one from the team was invited to the wedding. “I would love for you all to be there but I can’t even squeeze you into the evening reception we have that many people wanting to be part of our celebrations. If we have any last minute cancellations, I’ll see what I can do.” Don’t you just love her?
To get into the spirit of the occasion and despite all our colleague’s awfulness the team did club together to buy her a wedding gift. However, even after collecting £150, we couldn’t afford anything from her Occasions Account at Harrods, so simply paid it into her Selfridges Celebration Service. It says it all really.
She went off on Thursday as Miss Pretentious, and I have a sneaky feeling she’ll be back after her three-week long honeymoon to Bora Bora (where else?) as Mrs Smug.
I can’t wait.