My cynicism is hands free and wireless: I take it everywhere with me. Nothing triggers a full-scale scorn download like management speak.

Office jargon. Key phrases. Corporate lingo. The type of ambiguous euphemistic bull-smiling-poo-emoji rubbish favoured by David Brent in The Office.

This is what George Orwell warned us of in his novel 1984 – it’s Newspeak.

We shouldn’t worry about text speak – the shrter wrds peops use on txts + emails.

No, we should fear those who’ve had a “thought shower”, and “run an idea up the flagpole to see if anyone salutes”. We should fear the management consultants.

This morning I had to wad my coffee napkin into my mouth and bite down on it, while a woman on the Tube advised her colleague he should “take a helicopter view”.

She warned him not to “let the grass grow too long”, and look to “get progression” until he had “synergy”. Only then could he truly “deliver”.

What does that conceivably mean? It’s empty dross, unless he’s a grass-mowing postman with a helicopter.

The only one of those I know is Postman Pat who now delivers mail by air.

Apart from giving children an unrealistic view of a career in Royal Mail, and false expectations about flying animals, Postman Pat is not real.

But fictional characters are still preferable to the fictional phrases spouted in boardrooms across the Wharf.

Hearing people discuss “blue sky thinking”, makes me want to do some blue sky drinking.

For God’s sake say what you mean. Which is clearly: “I don’t know anything about this subject, so I’ll shut up.”

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