Thursday, April 21 is the Queen’s 90th birthday. Our monarch was born in the roaring 1920s, and is still going strong in the rip roaring 21st century.

She has lived through a world war, the invention of nuclear power, the moon landings, the emancipation of women, decolonisation, the decriminalisation of homosexuality, the Cold War, the establishment of Canary Wharf as we know it, equal marriage and the internet. She must be knackered.

What do you get the Queen who has everything? Mayor of London Boris Johnson has given her Crossrail .

He announced it would be named the Elizabeth Line when it opens in 2018. Like getting your very own train set. Supersized.

I bet she rolled her eyes at Prince Phillip and was like, “Cheers Boris, but where am I going to put it?”

Read more: The real Elizabeth Line questions naming rights on Twitter

That’s the kind of annoyingly ugly present you have to keep in the loft, and whip out each time the gift giver visits. As if you proudly display it all the time.

Elizabeth will just add Crossrail to the pile of other stuff named after her – Brisbane’s law courts, a dock in South Africa, a hospital in Hong Kong, a school in Malaysia, and a pink flowering rose.

Why do they always pick staid old Princess or Queen Elizabeth, and never Queenie McQueenface? We could have a Queenie McQueenface stamp.

Though I bet her majesty would rather receive some chocolates, or a nice squeaky toy for the corgis.

Read more: Why working late made Angela embrace her nocturnal chums

If I made it to 90, I’d want the world to raise a glass to me. And here the Government may have finally got something right.

All London pubs are allowed to stay open late in celebration of the Queen’s birthday. Even Elizabeth can drink to that.

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