Just when you thought 2016 couldn’t get any crazier, they send in the clowns.
As the pound is rocked by talk of hard Brexit and the FTSE tumbles, the question on every Wharfer’s lips is: "Have you seen a killer clown?"
The scary clown craze started in South Carolina, where reports of a clown offering children sweets and trying to lure them into the nearby woods went viral.
Fuelled by online panic and what are pranksters with easy access to Halloween masks, “killer” clown sightings have spread.
Because why limit news items to one man with funny hair and a painted face (and a presidential campaign), when you can have a shudder of clowns?
The correct collective noun for clowns is a pratfall, but the online suggestion of a shudder feels fitting.
Clowns have been popping up in parks, on the Isle of Dogs , at people’s windows, and chasing people on jerky video recordings.
Clowns have never bothered me, but a stranger with a masked face and a weapon jumping out is another story.
When Stephen King, who wrote the supernatural horror clown classic, Pennywise in It, says, it’s “time to cool the clown hysteria”, you know things have gone too far.
At the time of going to press, there have been no clown sightings in Canary Wharf itself.
Cynically, perhaps this is because we have CCTV and private security, and everyone has a camera phone.
How many of these sightings are real, and how many are cool stories to tell?
One thing’s for sure – it can only be a matter of time before someone is seriously hurt. And that just ain’t funny.
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