It’s time to rename mobile phones. Because who uses them as telephones anymore?
Where emails are considerate, slotting into your schedule, nestling in your inbox until you are ready to open them, phone calls are the screaming spoilt child of communication.
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They demand attention now. They’re an underhand controlling device: telephoning is a power play.
Making a telephone call feels self indulgent, as if you’re setting the agenda to the other person’s day.
Which is why people don’t call any more. There’s no need. We text to arrange to meet.
A quick 30 seconds to say “I’m standing by Carluccio’s – I see you – wait there.”
Even chatting during the day is confined to the innocuous drip drip of messaging platforms.
We have all the noise we need with Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, Snapchat, we don’t need calls as well.
Friends do still phone, occasionally. But it usually heralds some disaster – they’ve been dumped, their sister is sick, they’re hiding under their desk in tears.
Even my parents text. Messages are courteous. Phone calls are doom and gloom and PPI insurance scams.
An unplanned ringing phone has become a stomach-clenching alarm. Because normal considerate people only call when something is wrong.
Oh the dread when you see it’s that one friend who is still stuck in the 1990s calling to arrange a catch-up. If we catch up on the phone, then what is the need to catch up in person?
Talking to loved ones is nice. Especially if they are far away and you know you won’t be seeing them soon.
And talking to your other half can be extra nice, naughty even. Facetime can be fun time. But for everyone else, expect voicemail.
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