Blonde's Eye View: First rule of the work social

By Rob Virtue on May 8, 2014 9:51 AM |



by Angela Clarke

Jennifer Lawrence apparently puked on Madonna's staircase after the Academy Awards. Miley Cyrus is reported to have passed her with the quip: "Get it together, girl!"

We've all been there. OK, not actually at Madonna's house. Well, not that I remember anyway.

But then it's not unknown for me to arrive at a venue for what I assume is the first time, only to realise I've been there before. (Makes the universally recognised "drinking" mime.)

I once woke up in Paris after a particularly exuberant Riesling session, so it's not inconceivable I've been to Madonna's home and just don't remember. I'd like to imagine I'd have the prescience to take a sweaty-faced selfie. Standing on the stairs, pointing at the spot J-Law barfed.

We've all been embarrassingly intoxicated at a work do. I've seen the Wharf bars after office hours. It's all rolled up shirtsleeves, laddered tights, your hair stuck to your forehead as you produce your own alcohol-fuelled microclimate.

I've watched as some of you splashed around in the water fountain. If you're sitting there shaking your head, not recognising this behaviour, give me a call. How did you do it?

Because what's the first rule of attending a work social? Never be the drunkest person in the room.

Hardened party girl Miley Cyrus probably did a million bad things my editor won't even let me insinuate at Madonna's house party. But what will people remember? Jennifer Lawrence's gutsy performance on the carpet.

The second rule of attending a work social? Don't drunkenly promise your boss, or agent say, things you can't deliver. Because that would be stupid. (Puts head in hands.)

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