Working Mum: On hold with Bros

By Giles Broadbent on February 14, 2014 1:01 AM |



By Tabitha Ronson

The red overdue payment letter has been at the bottom of my tote for more than two weeks, buried under loose tissues, a half-eaten pack of Airwaves and assorted pieces of Lego.

It's the outstanding balance for a service I cancelled at the end of last year. I have been meaning to pay it but, as with a lot of areas of my life - such as keeping on top of my eyebrow grooming and sorting out a pension - I haven't got round to it.

On Tuesday, I was in Waitrose, waiting to pay for my teriyaki salmon bento. Rummaging around in my bag for my purse, the bill fluttered to the floor.

The side with the red ringed "Reminder - Outstanding Balance" falling face up for my fellow shoppers to see. I could sense, even if I could not hear, the tutting. Back in the office, I was straight on the phone and rang the Customer Payment Support line.

First I was told that I was a valued customer and that my call may be recorded for training purposes and then I was subjected to '80s pop hold music. After 10 minutes, my patience worn thin and that Bros ear worm firmly embedded, I slammed down the receiver.

"I'll watch you crumble, like a very old wall..."

At lunchtime the following day, I made it my mission. After several failed attempts at logging in to the online payment system, I resorted to the phone.

On hold again and listening to that music, I could feel the anger swelling.

"And I'll see you stranded, you took me for a fool. I'll have my revenge..."

I tried again yesterday, this time leaving the phone off the hook, on loudspeaker. My office became a mini Hippodrome, with the lure of the hold music too great for some of my colleagues to ignore. There was some serious '80s stylee going on. However, still no joy on the payment front.

I give up. I will wait again until the next reminder. In fact, having wasted so much time trying to pay this bill, I do believe, in the words of Luke and Matt Goss: "I owe you nothing, no, nothing at all."

Working Mum, wearing Grolsch bottle tops instead of shoelaces.

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