Blonde's Eye View: New Year's resolutions
How long will your good habits for 2014 last? Angela Clarke rates your progress
We are nine days into January. Have your New Year's resolutions dissolved like a Berocca in a post-boozing glass of water?
Unfortunate, that. Weren't you supposed to be dry this month? Perhaps you're hanging on in there - doggedly going to the gym at 6am each morning, and learning French verbs at night school.
What you resolved might suggest a cerebral or physical focus, but how long you keep your resolutions is a better indicator of character:
■ December 31: A whole year later and you have stuck to your pious guns like a psychopathic murdering Mafia boss clings to Catholicism.
You're single-minded, focused, and a huge jerk. Your friends only pretend to like you.
■ February 1: Good effort. You gave it a shot and worked hard at being a better you until the monotonous grind of life and the Jubilee line wore you down.
It's dark, cold, you're broke and still working in E14. To be honest, we're impressed you held out this long. Nobody's judging you.
■ January 6: You resolved to change your ways in front of close family and friends over Christmas and the moment you got back to work you thought "sod that".
You want your loved ones' respect, but don't give two hoots about what Beatrice who sits opposite you at work thinks. Sounds like you've got your priorities straight.
■ January 2 or 3: You broke in the first few days? You are a weak-willed, lily-livered dreadful excuse for a human being.
You will never amount to anything more than a smear on humanity's windscreen. You're basically me. Save a seat in the pub.
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