Blonde's Eye View: Unwanted commuter soundtrack
Angela Clarke's got some questions for the musical imps on public transport
There I was, quietly erasing a day's worth of work encounters from my mind on the DLR, when Satan's ass trumpet shattered my reverie.
Since when did it become publicly acceptable to play your "music" out loud on the tinny speaker of your phone?
I put music in quotation marks because I'm yet to recognise, or enjoy, any of the songs people beat my eardrums with on communal transport.
When music's shared on a train, my instinct is not to break into some gleeful flash mob dance routine. My instinct is to ram the offending phone up the offender's bottom.
I only resist as I the fear their rectal passage would act as a speaker, and amplify the din.
Have these aural assaulters never heard of headphones? Are they unaware they're in a crowded, and already repellent, shared space?
Is it a desperate bid to empty the carriage and get a seat? If you're feeling that ill, dude, just say. Don't make your mobile vomit on your behalf.
Surely no one thinks it's OK to desecrate the peaceful, eyes down, rattle and clunk of our transport system?
I like to choose what I listen to and when I listen to it. If I wanted my ears to ache with an incomprehensible selection of drum 'n' bass, I'm too old and too uncool to be listening too, I'd go to a club.
These noise nuisances can't be showing off their mobile's capacity to play MP3s - that's so 1999. I can only conclude we're dealing with ghetto blaster-sized disc heads.
It's time to fight fire with fire. Next time someone enforces a soundtrack on a commuter journey; let's all blast them at once with Black Lace's Agadoo. That'll shake them.
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