Working Mum: Three trimester drama
By Tabitha Ronson
Since the shock announcement last week that two of my colleagues are with child (sorry, I'm getting into nativity mode) the office has been in a state of flux.
All around me are different soap opera storylines playing out.
My boss is in denial, choosing to ignore the fact that, in several months, her team is going to double in size but decrease in numbers.
My expectant colleagues are suffering with dissociative identity disorder, one minute skipping around the office channelling their inner Von Trapp, and bursting into My Favourite Things, the next, in the presence of my boss, sucking in their stomachs, trying to imitate Victoria's Secret Angel Candice Swanepoel. Out of sight, out of mind.
Meanwhile, Young Colleague is having a meltdown. Normally, desperate to be the focus of attention as well as the most popular, she tries hard to be all things to all people.
So with a boss who is anti bambinos, and a team that's now bursting with oestrogen, she is in a quandary. She doesn't know whether to go all goo goo with our colleagues or ga ga along with my boss.
In an attempt to curry favour with the team, she has started bringing in photos of her sister's one-year-old dot of a daughter.
For the past year, we have heard not a word about this child. Now because it is on-trend in the office, Young Colleague has to jump on the proverbial bandwagon and make out like she's some Mother Earth figure.
We've had the stories of how she helped her niece to take her first steps, how she has become an Annabel Karmel devotee, and why she favours Mimi Doe over Gina Ford.
This is from a woman who in the past has fervently declared her lack of desire for motherhood. Now she has become a leading expert in the field of paedology.
She's so gushing I'm just waiting for the moment when she announces she's going to become a surrogate.
Working Mum, enjoying this newfound office sisterhood, however faux or short-lived it may be.