Blonde's Eye View: Christmas already

By Rob Virtue on October 2, 2012 1:44 PM |

Tagged with:

Angela Clarke is not quite ready for Yuletide excitement

"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care..."

Hang on a minute, it's only October! Why are there fir trees in the shops? And shelves of wrapping paper, and cards, and those gift sets of lady lotions you buy for your Gran? The Christmas product pushing has started too early.

I'm sure I said this last year, in November. 2012 is worse. The moment the kids went back to school, the shops rushed out the festive goodies. We seem to have skipped Halloween and Bonfire Night in favour of the big commercial daddy himself: Mr Claus.

What a load of baubles. We must beat back the tidal wave with a toffee apple. Otherwise we'll have to string out the joy and the goodwill to all mankind for the next three months. We won't make it to the end of the fortnight.

Christmas lasts a single day, with a courtesy hangover day tagged on. (It's called Boxing Day because you feel like you've gone ten rounds with a box of wine the day before.)

One day for all the stuffing and one day for the Alka-Seltzer.

Someone email the advertising companies and tell them the current season is spelled "autumn".

I refuse to listen to carols for the next 11 weeks. Don't even think about offering me a mince pie. Come near me with a Santa hat at your peril. For the love of all that is holly, the clocks haven't even gone back yet. I will crack under the Christmas craziness.

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, or Henry Livingston, Jr who are fighting over the authorship of the poem in the big Christmas store in the sky.)

Find Angela on twitter:

@TheAngelaClarke