Concrete Pencil: It's no fun being a Fantasy Ferguson

I like football about as much as the most people you'll hear talking about it around the office - as in, I rarely if ever go to games.

I have played the game more than is average, if you could call my plodding, violent six-a-side defending "playing".

(I have a sweet strike on me mind, and an excellent eye for a pass. And I was the tactical genius behind the Wharf Boys' famous "Pass It Out To The Full Backs" system that bagged us 17 winners trophies. Count 'em.)

But I find my interest in the top of the sport comes and goes.

I love a World Cup, but like many this time I could at no point muster any enthusiasm whatsoever for England. I want noble giants like Tony Adams. We got Matthew Upson.

And when it comes to following the Premier League, my attention is patchy at best.

I have competing soft spots for Newcastle, West Ham, Arsenal and (unfashionably) Manchester United.

I like a scrappy derby. I enjoy a good sending off. 

But long gone are the days when I'll start a paper at the back. And when I get there I am drawn to sports we are encouraged to get a little less hysterical about. Snooker. Cricket. Darts.

And I'm busy. I've only got so much room in my head for stuff. This is about the 23rd football season of which I have been aware (first TV game: Charlton v West Ham. First live game: QPR v Newcastle).

Each year one thing gets more obvious: the same sort of stuff happens every year.

Consequently, I find it increasingly hard to keep up with the latest events and have even started having bouts of embarrassing ignorance.

For the first time people are appearing in the England squad of whom I have not heard. I didn't know who Adam Johnson was. The shame.

But it's not's just the Premier League that I've got to keep abreast of: who's moving where, who's in form, who's where in the table. Because the entire, complex system is mirrored in any work fantasy league.

If you take part in it (and who doesn't?) you've also got to remember who's got who in their team, how that relates to who they support, what it means each week when stuff happens.

It's exhausting. How do these people have space in their heads for all these facts? 

I'm not that stupid. I seem to be able to operate machinery to the same level they can, and I know the same amount of things about politics and The X-Factor and stuff as they do.

Have I got less room in my head, or have I got different stuff in there?

I don't know, and frankly I haven't got time to think about it. I took a bath in week one and I've got to change my squad. I hear Adam Johnson might be tasty on the wing.