Concrete Pencil: It's like that...

By John Hill on January 6, 2010 1:36 PM |

Tagged with:

Dan Bourke

For Dan Bourke, being back from work is a jagged little pill to swallow

Being off work was, like... Like, after the end of civilization, resurgent trees growing up through old motorways.

Being back in work is, like...Like going to see a film and, on leaving the cinema, finding out you still live in Canada Water.

Like finding out that the new man or woman you've been dating is a vampire.

Like borrowing The Sopranos on DVD and finding Disc Five is, in fact, Mamma Mia! (or, you know, vice versa).

Like your partner, who is not a vampire, coming back from the shops and saying they didn't have any Double Deckers so I didn't get you anything.

Like your cat deciding you are too thin and being sick into your mouth while you are asleep. After the cat has been sick, you are awake.

Like, this isn't a strip club, this is a brothel.

Like finding out that the man/woman you always fancied is married.

Like having your shoes re-heeled at great expense at James' and then the next day the heel coming off and then not being bothered to take it back for so long that it no longer seems so out of order that the heel has come off.

Like queuing with a trolleyful and only realising when you get to the checkout that your card is behind the bar at Davy's.

Like when your friend comes to London to visit and doesn't want to go to the BFI or that nice redone music hall, they want to go to Covent Garden.

Like going for your first weekend away with your new partner in Cornwall and only finding out when you get there that you're camping with his/her friends and you wake up cold, aching and crying.

Like realising, after changing your baby's nappy and finally getting their tights back on, realising you haven't re-poppered the vest, which goes under the tights.

Like saying yes you'll go for drinks too early, and realising too late that only the really annoying people are going.

Like the Government doing a largely pointless VAT cut and then ruining your New Year by putting it back.

Like being a donor transplant coordinator and when you put a PS on your email to your boyfriend saying "PS. I took someone's eyes out tonight", him not finding it funny and in fact finding it a bit weird and then saying he doesn't get you really.

Like there being no Salt in your Salt 'n' Shake.

Like the looks on the faces of the Bingo marker-pen fascists calling "House" in Bingo and then realising you didn't really have it and everyone looking at you and then sitting down.