What We're Watching

REVIEW
If you're the sort of person who frets about perfect presents, Christmas represents a jolly, holly season of dread.

By November, you're planning on looking deep into the soul of each of your friends and pulling out the perfect gift. But when you hit late-December, you're gift-wrapping hubcaps you've wrenched off parked cars with your fingernails.

Cynics might say this is the time that Robsessed lands in your Amazon basket. After all, it's a whole film based on how dreamy Twilight's Robert Pattinson is, selotaped to a bargain-buckety BBC feature that he's in. Which isn't Twilight.

But you can learn a lot from this film bio of the Barnes-born heartthrob.

For example, some of the people following him around are craaaaazy. Seriously, I'd rather be stalked by actual vampires than risk crippling tinitus from this lot. Although I've heard similar shrill noises coming from fans of Nirvana. And Tottenham.

It's not just the kids. The press are hardly known for pushing the evolution of mankind nowadays, but whoever came up with the nickname "R-Pattz" needs to be sent home until they remember where they left the rotten husk of their adult brain.

Of course, if you're set on buying every piece of junk with Twilight on it, I've got a rock that looks like Edward Cullen I can flog you.