Blonde's Eye View: Where are the old people?

By Rob Virtue on June 24, 2009 12:21 PM |

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Angela Clarke

Angela Clarke's investigations take her to the high seas

Have you noticed that Canary Wharf operates a strict age policy? An eerie number of the populous are between 21 and 45.

Apart from the token sprogs they let in (after years of sanely banning them from all pubs), you never see kids unless they are being rounded up by the security guards and escorted from the premises.

Even rarer than truant school children and the boisterous banker babies in mini Ralph Lauren, are old people.

Proper old people with grey hair, hunched shoulders and an obsession with those tartan fabric shopping trolleys.

Maybe the estate has a Logan's Run programme, or all the lawyers, accountants and bankers self regulate their numbers by dropping dead of heart attacks fuelled by stressful jobs and Pret sandwiches.

Except they aren't dying. The UK now has more pensioners than kids under 16. It makes you wonder where are they all?

Well, last week I found them. Taking a trip to Norway I conceded the best way to see maximum geography, with minimum effort, was by boat.

I'm not keen on bobbing about on the water - the only time I like to feel unstable on my feet is when I'm wearing heels.

To persuade me onto a ship it has to be really big. With stabilisers.

And a bar. Ergo, I travelled by cruise liner. It was overflowing with old people!

A floating care home with bingo, afternoon tea and waltz classes.

The world's oceans are awash with early retirees drifting between exotic locations, sloshed on the captain's cocktails and stuffed with five-star food.

The geriatric Jolly Rogers, void of job hassles and flush with pensions we can only dream of, were a social riot.

Though they did need help to operate lifts that inexplicably baffled them.

Apparently, there's no one over 45 on the Wharf because they're all off living the life of Riley. That, and they can't work the automated doors.