Broken biscuits mend a broken heart?

Apparently there are things called “empty calories�, which are foods you can eat as much as you like without getting fat.

These include anything eaten standing up, all liquids and anything you pinch off someone else’s plate.

Broken biscuits are also free because the calories actually leak out during the breaking process and best of all, if you eat a chocolate bar in tiny, microscopic pieces over the course of the day it doesn’t count at all.

Another fact I picked up – did you know that lettuce actually eats food in your tummy and reduces the overall calorie content of a meal?

This means you can have a pork pie provided you serve it with lashings of green leaves making it a bona fide healthy option.

You can even wash it down with a bottle of Pinot Grigio and finish up with a cheesecake with a base made from broken biscuits.

I can hear those size 10 jeans calling to me now.

Some other tips have also been suggested to me.

Apparently, so I’m told, there is a supplement one can take that not only suppresses appetite, but also makes you “more interesting and really fun to be with�.

Why hasn’t anyone told me about this “cocaine� stuff before?

If weight loss is really this easy I fail to see why we have an obesity crisis in this country at all.