Blonde's eye view

By John Hill on April 17, 2008 8:59 AM |

Tagged with:

Blonde's Eye View - columnist Cherry Green takes on The Thing From The Clothes Hamper

This week I am sharing my bedroom with a spider of gargantuan proportions and – as I am a neurotic arachnophobe – we have something of a tense relationship.

I encountered the monster for the first time last week. Having explained to it very sternly that it could only stay rent-free if it limited its activity to lurking under the bed, I thought I could go about my daily life without fear.

But, unfortunately it seems the thing was hell-bent on interacting with me, and we crossed paths again yesterday.

There is something very distressing about realising that the mountain of washing you are carrying is moving and on inspection that it contains a tarantula. The beast leapt from my washing, beginning a long scuttle across the carpet, very nearly touching me in the process – and I lost it at that point.

The next few seconds passed in a blur, but I vaguely remember:

* Throwing a trainer at it – but it survived and continued on its way on 7.5 legs

* Casting about for a weapon. I actually considered the can-of-hairspray-and-a-lighter flamethrower. But I’m glad I didn't, because I would have melted the carpet and would then have had to deal with a spider in flames running around the room

* Losing my temper and screaming abuse at the thing. I said a few things I didn’t mean and blamed it for more than ruining my weekend. But it’s a special feeling when you are 29 and find yourself alone in your house calling and questioning the parentage of an arachnid

I remain deeply traumatised. What’s worse, is it’s still there.