Blonde's eye view

By John Hill on April 9, 2008 8:59 AM |

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Blonde's Eye View - Cherry Green's love note to pencil-drawn pin-ups

There is no worse feeling than that of unrequited love. And this condition is particularly poignant when the object of your affections happens to be an animated spaniel.

My first love was Aramis from Dogtanian and the Muskahounds. I knew he was fictional, and a dog, but I was just a child and the species barrier meant nothing.

But he was seriously hot though. And I bet there is not a man out there who hasn’t had an impure thought about Daphne from Scooby Doo or the Teen Angels from Captain Caveman.

I have male friends who will happily admit to having fancied a plethora of female cartoon characters, but the girls seem to be less enthusiastic. I was never really impressed by He-Man, none of Action Force tickled my fancy, but I will admit to fantasies about moonlit strolls and evenings of jazz appreciation with Marshall Bravestarr.

Cartoon men are heroes. They’re men’s men. They’re not created to be fancied. They’re created to be aspired to as role models. And when they aren’t they’re usually pathetic drips.

The boyfriends and acquaintances of heroines in girls’ cartoons were always lovesick fops or arrogant jocks and never really the type you wanted. The heroines loved them and they were welcome to them. We looked up to Jem and She-Ra, but we didn’t want their men.

Girls in cartoons always had fantastic figures and dressed in a manner that flaunted it. They were always secondary and pandered to male superiority complexes. The short of it is that women look for more in a suitor whereas men will go for anything – even if it’s a two dimensional bint in primary colours. As long as she has a tiny waist and an aire of attainability she’ll do.

Caramel Rabbit I’m looking at you!