Blonde's eye view

By Tom Derbyshire on February 20, 2008 4:08 PM |

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Holy cake-stand Batman! I’m buying a house!

Yep, I cleverly waited for the housing market to peak, and put in my offer just before the
slowdown.

Never let it be said that I don’t have a great business head on my shoulders. I bet I have negative equity before I exchange! Making money on the property market strikes me as yet another of those things that just happens to other people. Like marriage, job satisfaction and blouses that don’t go crunchy at the armpits.

As I have been living in rancid rented accommodation since time began, I’m really excited about having my own house. I had better get on to MTV because they are bound to want to base an episode of Cribs around me.

I’m also having wildly unrealistic fantasies about becoming homely and domesticated. I caught myself eyeing up a tiered cake-stand in a department store yesterday and fondly imagined myself serving up dainty, pastel-coloured fairy cakes to guests.

Clearly I had forgotten that:
1. I’ve never made a fairy cake in my life;
2. When I have visitors, they want wine, not cake;
3. I wouldn’t know a sugared violet if I had to fight one for the last seat on the Tube.
Plus the very obvious fact that I won’t be able to afford flour any more.

I think I need to face up to the fact the I am not going to turn into Nigella Lawson overnight; neither am I going to adorn my walls with watercolours I painted myself. What is highly likely though is that I will continue to wander about in my pants when home alone and only wash up when the environmental health division of the council get involved.

Any attempts at baking will result in the smoke detector going off. Still, can’t seem to stop myself thinking about that cake stand though.

Cherry will be the MC of a comedy night in Canary Wharf on March 3. See www.mirthcontrol.org.uk/clubs-london-canary-wharf.htm.